.::Two less lonely people::.

Now that I'm in India, we live our life separately. I am still sleeping when he is already in class. I'm having my breakfast here but he's too early for lunch. It's time for him to go to bed, but the night is too young for me. Even when I'm having my university exam here, he is going to have a short holiday soon. Our life is totally different, 2 different life, 2 different country, 2 different timezone... So far away, I wish you were here...

We can't go out meeting each other. We can't go to a movie we love. We can't have our dinner together in one table. We can't study with each other sitting beside.

Somehow, I'm still going on. We have lived like this for almost one year. Everyday we can only on skype. This is the only way for us to see each other, our only dating time, our only dating activites. Even though I had to live my life alone here, but I know that somewhere out there, somewhere far far away, there's my only dear, thinking of me, praying for me, waiting for me...

I know we can make it through, we'll just have to keep holding on...

Since you came into my life, everything has changed. Though we are far apart now, I felt so in love. I love the times when we chat till dawn, like we have never talked for so long before. I love that I can still accompany you whenever you needed me. I love that I can still see your smiles on your face, knowing that you are happy. I love to know that I can still be with you even with the exist of the distance as a barrier. I love that I can still be there when you shed tears. I love the times when we are just staring at each other, knowing there's still me in your heart, knowing a part of me will always be with you..

I want my life to be lived with you. I live and breathe with you. The time I spent, waiting for you, never been a waste. It made me realise that I can't live my life without you. Even though there's time when we couldn't reach each other, I never feel lonely. I can feel you everywhere. There's something inside us, that make us feel in one. When I can't see you in day , I will close my eyes and I'll see you there.

Sweetheart..
I promise...you will never be lonely always. I'll find you everynight in your dreams...
I'm with you...

It's midnight twelve!!

It's 18/12/2006, our former school organised a prom night for form six leavers. This was the night where everyone got to dress up as glamorous as we could, not to mention me.. I found a brown dress which I hoped to match with his outfit too. Feeling excited about tonight, I dressed up early, getting ready, waiting for him to fetch me from my house to Gurney Hotel. Time strike 6pm, he was here. Unexpectedly he wore a light yellow top which went well with my dress too. I felt so shy when I got into his car. Actually, tonight was not only our 1st night to a ball, but it was our 1st date too.. I felt so excited and yet afraid..

The moment I reached her house, I saw her walking out with such elegant look. Oh my!! I think I got the most beautiful girlfriend in the world.. That was my first time seeing her in such a gorgeous dress. I felt so proud and so glad to have her. I knew this night would be the most wonderful night for me. As soon as she got into my car, I turned on my cd player with a series of love songs. On that moment, I felt so connected to her. She was so pretty and I felt like wanted to kiss her lips. But I was too afraid, shaking terribly whenever I got near her..

The prom started at 8pm. We were separated from each other due to the school rules. My place was alloted. But still, luckily his table was just next to me. I still get to take a peek on him whenever I wanted to. Until the host finally announced that I get to choose 1 guy to walk on the so-called 'runway'. Immediately, I went to him.

I was so proud that night. That was my 1st chance, to hold her hands in front of everybody. While walking with her hand on my hand, I thought I found my dream...My dream of walking beside her, my dream of holding her near, my dream of falling in love with her, my dream of my dreams to be alive.. I found my dream, on her... That night, we won everyone's attention. That was the night, I declared my love to her in front of everybody. At the end, she was crowned, the prom queen of the night. Yes, she was...and of course, is the queen of my heart.

It was really an unexpected gift for me. I couldn't believe it. Feeling myself in my dreams now, living in Cinderella's story. Until the end of the night, when I thought that was the time where Cinderella had to go back to her life again, he suddenly held my waist tightly, guiding me into the lift. I was wondering where he brought me, until we reached a place where everyone was there readying.

"Happy Birthday!"

It was 12 midnight!!! All my friends were there to celebrate my 19th birthday. No, this was not the Cinderella story where her dream ended by 12. This was my story, it did not end just like that..

He was so quiet that night, smiling at me so tenderly that I could see myself in his eyes. That night, he took my heart away. I did not know how can this be true. But I could feel the love, I could feel his love...The night finally over. He drove me home. I was so reluctant to leave him. Until I finally stepped out of his car, he stopped me. A bouquet of 'love' suddenly appeared on his hand. He said, 'Happy Birthday my girl. I love you..' He kissed on my cheek, which made me feel like I'm burning. I did not know what to do on that moment until he hugged me like it was the end of the world. I could not hide, his love was so strongly inside..

It was my first birthday celebrating with my dear, my happiest, touching 19th birthday that I would never ever forget in my life. Midnight 19/12/2006. It was one of my best memories with him...

a vErY noSTaLGiC bEAcH

This is the Penang Batu Ferringhi beach, which is one of the famous tourist spots in Penang. Of course, it is one of our favourite places...share with u guys our memories in this lovely beach...

Our 1st visit to this beach is on our very 1st valentine's day, which is also our 2nd month anniversary. We were just walking along the seaside silently. Holding tightly on his hands, I thought I was the happiest girl in this world. I know this seems unreal but trust me, it is truly romantic.

This moment was so precious.. Feeling the sea breeze caressing our face, I felt like there's no worries in this world anymore as long as she's by my side. We were just walking silently and my mind was just peaceful. I really love her at this very moment. Although we were just 2 month-couple, but I felt like I had loved her for a decade. I couldn't control myself and blurted out something that was not planned at all. "Saou, I love you very much.. hope to be with you on every 14th, until the rest of my life".

Until he finally broke the silence, he said something that melted my heart immediately. I just kept silent. 'Yes, my dear. I want to be with you. I love to be with you. Yes darling, yes...'

Then we crossed a place where horse-riding available. I looked at the horse. Well actually, I'm not that favour animals but somehow, I like this horse, which is called Hercules. Without second thoughts, Kai Zhian asked me for a horse ride. I climbed up the horse and he sat behind me. This was our first horse-riding and unexperienced us felt like falling whenever the horse took one step ahead. It did not seem as easy as the fairy tale how prince charming riding his horse to his princess. Nevertheless, we loved it! Riding on Hercules, feeling his hand always on me firmly like afraid of me falling down in any second, I felt like I am a princess at that moment. And yes, it was my fairy tale..

Sweetheart, can I be your prince in your fairytale?

Few months later, we went to this beach again. Actually, we were just wanted to relax. Nothing was planned that day. We walked along the beach, saw Hercules again.:) A beach boy came to us, asking " Do you both want to have a ride on Hercules?" I thought awhile, we smiled and answered him. "No, we took this before."

The next thing we saw was para-sailing. Wow!!! Amazing, they are flying so high up. I wanted to fly with my dear too. Immediately, I asked for the beach boy and then we were ready to fly...

'In the middle of blue sky, I am flying with my love one, Feeling the world is only us. Embracing her in my arms, afraid of her falling away from me. Kissing lightly on her pale cheeks, having no idea how much I love her. Holding her very closely by my side, together we are flying high up without wings...'

back to the past

It was a drizzling midnight, no one walked around Cyberjaya.. There's no surprise that no vehicle racing along the road in Cyberjaya.. I dare not fell on the bed at this moment and I knew that if I fell on bed for 2 mins, I will be sleeping until the next morning for sure...And this will make me regret for life.

I was waiting and waiting for the time to pass this moment...staring at my computer and doing nothing. After that, I started sms her.. " Sweetheart, im going to sleep already and you sleep in the bus also ya... i will be there at 8 something in the morning." She was on the way to KL, and supposingly will reach there by 6am.

Half an hour later, I started to prepare myself.. Getting ready for everything and bring along my lecture notes to Puduraya... ( few days later got exam in fact)

It was 4am...I was waiting for teksi in the bus stand nearby cyberia condominium.. Not even 1 shadow appear.. But still, my thoughts told me that there will have teksi for sure this morning.. I just kept on waiting there at the bus stop.. 30 mins.... 40mins... and 50 mins... Finally, a vehicle passed by.. I was so happy.. Perhaps it is a teksi. and i was so lucky. hehe...

I stopped the teksi and asked the driver fetch me to Puduraya.. " What? cost me RM 100 from Cyberjaya to Puduraya?????" Too expensive and I started bargain with the driver, fortunately I was persuasive enough.. He just received RM80 from me.. But it's still very costly to me.. haha.. Anyhow, it's worth...

Finally, I arrived Puduraya at 5.45am.. Fortunately, it was still early.. She was not there yet. After that, I advanced to McDonald's outlet nearby.. Finding a place for myself so that I can see her arrival. While waiting for her, I revised my notes but none of the notes enter my brain. Always, looking towards the window beside me...

One and half hour later, I saw her with white sweater and a pale long blue jeans, walking ahead to McDonald's.. My first glance on her, I knew that she slept badly in the cold bus whole night.. My heart started to cry.. I never saw her in this condition before.. I purposely hide myself in the third floor which section was closed. I heard her voice.. and I was so excited... Didn't know what I can do to surprise her... Finally I ended up walking slowly from the closed section and saying hi to her..


It was a cold and uncomfortable bus that I took which brought me from Penang to KL. I couldn't sleep whole night and was shivering non stop. He sms me. He told me that he can only make it by 8am. Disappointment started to fill in my heart but I know it was not his fault at all. I could just tell him it's ok, I will wait for you.

At 6.50am, I reached KL, finally. This long ride took away my spirit and I just felt like Im gonna collapse in any minute if I didn't get my hot coffee now. I saw a Mc Donald outlet there and decided to had my breakfast and wait there for me darling to arrive. I opened the doors and gosh, it was freezing...I went up and sat in one corner. Took out my hp and started to sms my dear, telling him that I safely arrived KL. OK, message delivered, I put back my hp and looked up... What the......?? Am I dreaming? The person that I sms just now, he was standing right in front of me! Right in front of me!!! I couldn't help but ran towards him, quickly hide myself under his arms, for the warmth that I always need..

He was here for me... In spite of him telling me that he could not make it by time, but he arrived earlier, whole night sitting here, just to wait for me. My tears started to gather around the corner of my eyes.. I was so touched that night. Nothing could describe my feelings, nobody can ever understand this.. Even I myself could not believe my eyes that he was here now...

It was a pleasant surprise, darling. Thanks for doing this for me. I know that you are always there for me, by my side. Nothing can tear us apart. Not even distance. Thanks, my love.

KL

~1 month countdown~

It's been 1 year and 7 months our story continues. And now, we are 1 ocean away from each other. I'm studying medicine here in India and he is doing his financial engineering degree back in Malaysia. Both of us do not like this situation, which make us miserable quite a number of times. Whenever I need him, I can only see his face on skype. Laptop is one of the most important tool in my life now, because it is the only way for me to take a look at him each day..

Distance has made us suffer our loneliness, but actually it made us stronger too. We knew each other more, understand our own feelings more, and of course, we love each other more, deeply.

It's mid of July now and another 1 month exactly from now, Im coming back!!!

1 month away from now, I get to see his face closely, and not through the screen of my laptop anymore. 1 month away from now, I can feel his arms around me again. 1 month away from now, I can lean on his shoulder which is always there for me. 1 month away from now, I can feel his breath again that always makes me warm. 1 month away from now, I can whisper 'I love you' on his ears...

My darling, I really miss you...

--14--

saousaou here...

"14".. a very special day for both me and my dear kai zhian.

14/12/2006, a day I never expected it would ever be a reality in my life, a day where my all dreams came true, a day that I teared for touch, a day when I can finally felt the warmth of his arms... This is the day, that I can call him as 'my dear'...



I was secretly in love with him since I first met him in L6B4, lower six class. Destiny was made for us to be in the same class. And I can say that I have never felt my heart bumping so loudly before whenever I see him, even on his back. This is the moment which I treasured most. I was always sitting behind him where I could stare at him without anybody noticing it. But things changed when our Class Monitor asked us to switch our places. I was terrified and prayed softly in my heart, 'please let me be near him, please....' My prayer was answered. He sat right behind me!! Although I couldn't really looked at him secretly, but I could feel him behind me. Each time when I got the chance to turn behind, I always peek at him at the corner of my eye..(I hope he did not realise this) We merely talked to each other everyday, but each time when I get to talk to him, my heartbeat was irregular and I was nearly stopped breathing. I couldn't explain this, but I liked it:)



Time passed swiftly, we were separated from each other due to the sudden change of school rules. I was not his classmate anymore. But the feelings toward him never fade away. His class (B1) was far away from my class (B4), and each day I was hoping to meet him accidentally even just for 1 glance. I knew this was stupid but I couldn't control myself. I started to miss him...



Half year gone, without us contacting each other, my hope of getting to know him more was getting slimmer. I started to give up. But miracles do happen! Surprisingly, I got his first message. I did not understand how but he started to chat with me. Haha! I was so excited that day, till now I can still remember the content. 'hey, free to chat with me?' I know I was foolish. It was just 1 ordinary message but this was my chance, to get to know more about him, to be closer with him... Since then, we were starting to be closer, as friends of course, we chat alot, even till midnight, or dawn...until STPM, when he suddenly stop contacting me anymore because of exams.



Exams over... we were back to normal. He started to message me again. We went out for some times and finally one day...which was out of my expectation, he confessed!! He asked if he can be my boyfriend. We went out to a restaurant near my house, and that was when I gave him my answer. I saw him shaking throughout the night, actually I was shaking terribly inside too... Both of us never expect this.



This is the day...14/12/2006... the gift of my life. And out story goes on...til now..
I love you very much...my dear most kai zhian.